Bread to Eat, Clothes to Wear – Vayeitzei
וַיִּדַּר יַעֲקֹב נֶדֶר לֵאמֹר אִם יִהְיֶה א-לוקים עִמָּדִי וּשְׁמָרַנִי בַּדֶּרֶךְ הַזֶּה אֲשֶׁר אָנֹכִי הוֹלֵךְ וְנָתַן לִי לֶחֶם לֶאֱכֹל וּבֶגֶד לִלְבֹּשׁ. וְשַׁבְתִּי בְשָׁלוֹם אֶל בֵּית אָבִי וְהָיָה ה' לִי לֵא-לוקים (בראשית כח, כ-כא).
Vayeitzei is the “prototype” parsha of galut. In it we find references to all the galuyot that befell Am Yisrael and we also find the directives and skill-set necessary for Am Yisrael’s survival in the Diaspora. Yaakov is the forefather of “galut”. Avraham went down to Egypt, it is true, but Avraham was not born in Eretz Yisrael, he only “made aliyah” at age 75 and his sojourn in Egypt was short. Yitzchak never left Eretz Yisrael, on Divine commandment, because he was an עולה תמימה. Yaakov, on the other hand, went twice into galut, once for a 20 year period to Lavan and again, until his death, to Egypt.
Rivka sends her favorite son Yaakov away, to the homeland of her brother Lavan to find a wife. Yitzchak always meticulously copied whatever his father Avraham did. Avraham never sent his son Yitzchak out on a shidduch hunt, he sent his servant Eliezer. Why did Yitzchak and Rivkah not similarly send one of their trusted servants (for example Devorah, מינקת רבקה) to seek a wife for Yaakov?
To complicate matters further, Chazal say that when Yaakov, Eisav, Rachel and Leah were born, it was prearranged that Yaakov would marry Rachel and Eisav would marry Leah. It was a formal agreement on paper, according to Chazal. So why go looking for a bride? You already have the bride …. Just send for her!
Chazal say that Yaakov did not immediately heed his parents’ bidding and go straight to Charan. He first went to study for 14 years in Yeshivat Shem ve’Ever before departing for Charan. Where is the כיבוד אב ואם? Why did he not immediately do what they told him to do?
After his studies in the Yeshiva, Yaakov makes ready to depart for Charan, but before he crosses the border into galut, he experiences the vision of the סולם. The Midrash says he saw angels ascending and descending the ladder, each angel representing a different power who would subjugate Am Yisrael - Bavel, Madai, Yavan and Edom. Each time the angel would ascend a certain number of rungs in the ladder, representing the number of years of the galut and then descend. Except for Edom, his angel ascended but did not descend. Yaakov asked HKB”H – “Does this galut have no end?” and HKB”H replies, “I personally will topple him and bring the mashiach”.
Yaakov also experiences the twelve stones under his head, coalescing into one, indicating that all of his children will be tzaddikim, unlike his father and grandfather before him, who had two sons, one a tzaddik and one a rasha.
He then makes a נדר – “If HKB”H will be with me and guard me on my quest and will give me bread to eat and clothes to wear ……. Then I will return in peace to the house of my father and Hashem will be my G-d.”
Does that sound like a vow to you? It sounds more like an ultimatum – “if Hashem will do a., b. and c. then I will return and He will be my G-d.” When someone undertakes a vow, the nussach is completely different, e.g. “I vow to learn two halachot a day every morning for the next year!” That is you personally undertaking something on yourself, not posting a list of conditions for someone else – if this, if that.
Yaakov was short of food and clothes? His father Yitzchak was blessed with enormous material wealth. Why did Yitzchak not send Yaakov with a few camels laden with gold and jewels, like Eliezer when he went to Lavan’s house to find a bride for Yitzchak?
Also the nussach of the request seems strange “bread to eat”, “clothes to wear”. We know that no letter is extraneous in the Torah. What else would you do with bread except eat it? Feed it to the ducks? What else would you do with clothes except wear them? Why did Yaakov need to be so specific?
When Yaakov encounters Rachel, the girl of his dreams at the well, how does he greet her? He bursts into tears! What a strange way to court a girl.
We will now try to answer these many questions and hopefully along the way, learn an important mussar haskel, especially for anyone who needs to be in galut, but even for someone who doesn’t.
Rivka’s primary motive of sending Yaakov away was not to find a shidduch, but to save Yaakov from his vengeful brother Eisav who plotted to kill him. Eisav, after Yaakov “duped” Yitzchak into giving him the blessing, verbally stated his intention to kill his brother Yaakov. The supposed reason for sending him away – to find a bride, was just a pretext. The real reason was to save Yaakov’s life!
The Mefarshim explain that in order to adequately prepare himself for his sojourn in Lavan’s house, Yaakov had to study the tools necessary for a tzaddik to live in the home of a rasha who worshipped idols. This is why it was necessary to first hit the books at the Yeshiva of Shem ve’Ever..
The Mefarshim add an interesting twist to this story. They say that after the 14 years in Yeshiva, Rivkah sent a message to Yaakov that Eisav’s anger had abated and it was safe for him to return home. Despite this, he did not and continued onto Charan (he had other reasons, brought in the sifrei hakabbalah, but these are beyond the scope of this shiur). The Mefarshim say that despite this he was punished, that Yosef was absent from Yaakov’s house for 22 years.
Yitzchak did in fact send Yaakov laden with כל טוב, just like Avraham sent Eliezer. However as he was leaving, Yaakov was confronted by Eliphaz, the son of Eisav who was sent on a mission by his father to kill Yaakov. Yaakov, being the talmid chacham that he was, managed to convince Eliphaz to rather take all his belongings, because an עני חשוב כמת and it would be as if he fulfilled his mission. So in fact when Yaakov entered Charan, he was penniless. He had nothing but the clothes on his back – hence the נדר above.
When Yaakov encountered Rachel, his bride to be, he was destitute. Unlike when Eliezer met Yitzchak’s bride Rivkah with bracelets, earrings and other lavish gifts, Yaakov had nothing. The shame of it caused him to cry. Regardless of their less than starry eyed “first date”, Yaakov and Rachel fell in love (even though she was only 5 years old at the time – that is why Yaakov agreed to work for 7 years before marrying her – so she would be of childbearing age). It was the first and last time Yaakov was to see Rachel for the next 7 years.
After filling in those gaps, let’s now talk about Yaakov’s נדר. From the unique nussach of this vow (which actually is a vow and not an ultimatum, as we will soon see), there is an enormous life principle we can learn and interestingly it is connected to the Shulchan Lechem Hapanim. I will bring these aspects from my sefer Meir Panim.
Unlike the way we read it above, Yaakov is not chas vechalila posing conditions for Hashem to fulfill as a prerequisite to his returning home and making Hashem his G-d. Obviously bread is for eating and clothes are for wearing. Yaakov was not being verbose, he was making a vow and a commitment to HKB”H, defining his attitude to material wealth.
Why do people eat? Why do they buy clothes? So there is the Torah hashkafa and there is the reality on the ground.
If you ask someone why they eat, they will give you many reasons “I am hungry, I enjoy eating, it looks so appetizing, it tastes so good, etc.” Only the first reason is the Torah hashkafa. The Torah reason for eating is to replenish what is missing in our bodies, so that we can function normally and serve Hashem maximally. All the other reasons, although they may seem so normal, intuitive and natural, are in fact very problematic and can lead to all kinds of complications and even to avodah zarah.
Chazal say that any enjoyment we derive from this world detracts from our שכר in olam habah. If the main reason a person eats brownies is because he enjoys eating brownies, and not because he needs the calories to give him energy so he can study better or perform chessed better, he is in fact detracting from his “brownie points” in olam habah.
This does not mean that when a person eats brownies, he should feel like he is suffering. As long as the primary motive for eating the brownies is to get more energy to serve HKB”H, the fact that he enjoys them at the same time, is secondary and not passul. However, if a person eats brownies primarily because they taste good, because they look appetizing or because he enjoys it - and by eating them they will not improve his functioning in any way (often ההיפך, they may cause him medical issues in the long run with obesity, diabetes, etc.) then that is passul and even אסור from the point of view of ונשמרתם מאד לנפשותכם.
The Torah wants us to eat to remain healthy and active. That is the Torah reason to eat. If something is healthy but looks like slop, nobody is going to eat it and then they will not be healthy. Therefore it is permissible and even recommended to cook food that is delicious and that looks appetizing so that it will not be revolting to eat. Nutritionists say that the best way to keep healthy is first to learn how to cook well - not only to select health building foods, but to cook and present them in an attractive way to encourage people to eat them.
The Lechem Hapanim is an incredibly impressive loaf of bread. Each huge loaf weighs between 7-12kg (depending on which method of calculation of an isaron you use). It is intricately shaped, with precise curves, angles and dimensions and is majestic to behold. However at its heart, the Lechem Hapanim is solet, water and salt – a simple matza (there is also Beit Garmu’s secret ingredient – but you will have to read my sefer to find out what that is). Hashem’s message is that “the eye attracts” – it is important to first visually draw someone closer so that they may explore further to uncover the hidden essence behind the external appearance. This is why Hashem presented Moshe with a burning bush – something to visually attract the eye and then Moshe was drawn closer to discover the deeper essence.
If however the visual appearance and the taste become the “be all and end all” of the exercise – the primary reason to eat, then that is a kind of avodah zarah. All the TV shows with the fancy chefs and the fancy dishes and decorations, which seem to be an end in itself, is imho bordering on avodah zarah.
The Torah wants us to be both physically and mentally healthy. If a person becomes “ill” and mentally depressed by refraining from eating certain foods that are associated with pleasure, then that is the opposite extreme and is also passul. Enjoyment and pleasure is not the primary motive for eating, but a certain degree may be necessary for our mental health, depending on the person.
There is an inspiring story about the wife of the famous Rav Tau from Jerusalem. Rabbanit Tau zt”l did incredible work counseling and helping people. One day a woman phoned her and said that she was seriously overweight and that she could not control her impulse to eat. Rabbanit Tau suggested they meet and they did – in the neighborhood of Kiryat Moshe in Jerusalem. Rabbanit Tau listened to the woman’s story and could see that in addition to being overweight, the woman was making herself mentally ill over the whole thing. Rabbanit Tau suggested that they take a walk. They went walking in Kiryat Moshe and they happened to pass Angel’s Bakery (Israel’s largest bakery chain). She invited the woman to join her in the factory shop of the bakery. In front of them were tons and tons of the most attractive looking pastries and baked goods known to man. Rabbanit Tau said to the woman “Which pastry do you find the most attractive?” The woman pointed to a pastry. Rabbanit Tau asked the worker to bag it for them, they went to the till and paid and Rabbanit Tau gave it to her and said תאכלי לבריאות - “Eat in good health!” The Rabbanit discerned that the woman was harming herself more mentally than the physical threat posed by her being overweight. The lesson from this is that sometimes we need food for the neshama and a feeling of constant abject abstinence from any pleasures of this world may make a person mentally ill and is not the way of the Torah. The Torah wants us to be physically and mentally healthy.
Yaakov made a vow - “bread to EAT”. I vow that the reason I eat is because my body needs it to survive. I want the bread to EAT, to remain healthy so I may serve Hashem, not because I like bread, or because it causes me pleasure.
“Clothes to WEAR” – Yaakov is saying - I vow that I will use the clothes to WEAR so I can function בצניעות, not that the clothes should make me look good or other “fashion” ulterior motives that, like the chef’s cuisine above, sometimes borders on avodah zarah. Just as with food, a person should dress attractively and not look like a homeless person – that is the opposite extreme and equally passul.
This is the Torah hashkafa to material wealth in general, not just food and clothes, but money, the home you live in, the car you drive etc. The primary purpose of it must be so that can you use it to better serve HKB”H and not for its own sake. This is the diametric opposite to the materialistic, modern, Western culture which idolizes materialism for its own sake. Chazal say that the yetzer harah for avodah zarah was abolished in the time of Ezra Hasofer, but if we look at the world today, it seems to be alive and well, except today it is called another name - materialism.
Yaakov vowed to use whatever materialism Hashem gave him only to better serve Hashem.
The Rambam lists certain criteria for which someone is permitted to leave Eretz Yisrael and go into galut - to find a shidduch, to make a parnasa, etc. (if these things are impossible for the person in Eretz Yisrael). Yaakov was leaving Eretz Yisrael to go into galut. Yaakov’s vow is an important mussar haskel about leaving Eretz Yisrael for whatever reason. Sometimes it is unavoidable in order to survive or to find a spouse. However the same applies to leaving Eretz Yisrael as applies to bread and clothes. Only if you can better serve Hashem by being in galut, is it permissible. However, like with food and clothes, if you turn galut into an end in itself then that is passul. And even if it is unavoidable, you must always have your eye on the end goal - וְשַׁבְתִּי בְשָׁלוֹם אֶל בֵּית אָבִי וְהָיָה ה' לִי לֵא-לוקים to return home to the land of our fathers.
We have a similar reference regarding the Shulchan Lechem Hapanim. Part of the Shulchan were rings on all four legs for the poles to carry it in the Midbar –
ארבע טבעות זהב בארבע פאות רגליו לעומת המסגרת (שמות כה, כו)
In certain circumstances it is permissible to travel to the ארבע פאות, the four corners of the world to make טבעות זהב – a parnasa. But you must always remain לעומת המסגרת – close to your wellspring – Eretz Yisrael and the Torah.
Vayeitzei is rife with hints to the Batei Mikdash, the destructions and the rebuilding and Yaakov’s vow is one of them.לֶחֶם לֶאֱכֹל – the Lechem Hapanim, וּבֶגֶד לִלְבֹּשׁ – the Bigdei Kehunah, וְשַׁבְתִּי בְשָׁלוֹם אֶל בֵּית אָבִי – The 3rd Beit Hamikdash may it be rebuilt בבי"א.
